from doctor to researcher to disgruntled patient

so i'm posting again. can you believe it?!? i will start with the latest goings on in my life. mostly, I’ve been on my research block with tons of time to myself, and life has been going pretty well. that is…until I had my wisdom teeth out last friday. the nine days since have been a total rollercoaster for me.

i had been extremely nervous about having the procedure done because i have had painful jaw issues since high school. i was afraid of the jaw pain afterward...little did i know that was the least of my worries! when i got there, i addresed my fears with the surgeon - he didn't seem to care at all. when he went through the risks of the procedure, his mind seemed to be elsewhere...and he forgot to talk about several important things...including what i was about to experience.

i got into the little procedure room and they put the little happy-gas thing on my nose and my body started tingling and out i went. it was great...until i woke up before they were done. my first thought was "i'm not supposed to be awake. i better keep my eyes closed!"...then realized "wait! i'm not supposed to be awake...i better open my eyes so they know!" nobody acknowledged that i was awake. i would have appreciated a simple "we're almost done"...anything...i got nothing. then i was put into my recovery room, where matt was waiting. the nurse asked me if i slept through the whole procedure...after my response of "no. i was awake for the last part," there was no further probing - no questions about whether i felt pain or reassurance that it happens now and then...she just moved right along.

so then it was off to the pharmacy. upon arrival, we were told "they're processing your order. it should be less than 10 minutes." an hour and a half later, once i was completely nauseous, in pain, and completely sick of listening to the other man in the waiting room talking on his cell phone while it was on speaker phone for over an hour...we finally had my meds. i figured the nightmare was over...and went home to sleep.

the next day, i was doing super well, but the right side of my tongue was still numb. sunday i started to look a little chipmunk-like, but was well enough to go out shopping with allison. my recovery was honestly going very well. come monday...my tongue was still numb and i knew this probably meant an injury to the nerve, so i called my surgeon's assistant, who sort of seemed to think i was exaggerating - that things would be "just fine" - but set up an appointment for me to see the surgeon on wednesday.

got to the appointment and the assistant comes in, doesn't sit down, just says in her perky voice "so, has it gotten better? no? okay...right side or left side? right? okay," and she proceeded to walk out of the room. then the surgeon arrives and his response after poking my tongue for quite some time was "well, you're numb"...duh!?!?!

so his evaluation was...
best case scenario: months and months before my tongue will heal. that means months and months before i can feel or taste on the right side of my tongue. months and months before i can truly enjoy food again, talk properly again, not worry about biting my tongue again. that's best case scenario.
worst case scenario: permanent damage that will never heal.
further treatment scenario: 6 weeks to 3 months from now we can consider another surgery to try to find the nerve and fix it if possible. i don't want to do that...but i'd also like to be back to normal.

he told me to test to see if i can taste on the right side - if i could, it would be a good sign for healing. tested it as soon as i go home no taste...grrr...

he also never acknowledged that this whole thing has been a terrible experience. i think he's probably a nice guy...it just really hasn't shown in my interactions with him...i think that's making this whole experience worse.

speaking of worse...since my appointment, my tongue has begun to feel like it is on fire...and nothing makes it better...nothing. weirdly enough, my tongue is still completely numb...can't feel anything on it...no poking, pinching...nothing. i have tried to research all of this - hoping the burning was a good thing...a sign of the nerve healing - but i haven't quite figured that out yet.

i know that logic should tell me that having a half-numb-and-tasteless tongue really is not a big deal. i wouldn't think it would be...but it has taken quite a toll on me. some days are better than others and they're continuing to get better overall (i think)...just as long as i still have hope of healing, i will be just fine.

hoping that healing comes sooner than later...(and promising more positive posts relatively soon...)